All my life I've struggled with weight. I can fluctuate like 10 sometimes more pounds a day. I go through periods of time when I am underweight and really unhealthy. Whether my stomachs acting up, I have no fluid, or I'm getting really sick every day from low blood pressure my weight can drop very fast and for long periods of times. At other times my medicine makes me hungry constantly, everything seems alright, and suddenly I am on the heavy side. There is no in between, there is no feeling good about myself. Its always too much or too little, and it drives me crazy. How can you accept yourself and be happy if its so easy to pick out your flaws? When you add chronic pain, chronic illnesses, and health complications, it makes the struggle even harder. Last year I was in such a bad place with my health I wasn't eating and sad all the time because I would just get sick and everyone thought I had an eating disorder because I was so underweight. It is so easy to be judged, even when people have NO idea what really is going on. Now I am eating and a lot healthier than I have been in a while but I can't help but be unhappy as a teenager struggling with body issues and not feeling good about myself. Now I know I am not fat, but I am not skinny either. Its just hard to feel good. Its a back and forth never ending tug of war. Trying so hard to be happy with who I am.
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