Senior Year

It is finally here. The year I have been waiting for. My final year before I can get out of this too big yet too small town. I've been waiting all my life to get out and make my life into something more, with passion and full of everything I love.

Yet before school even starts tomorrow I am scared. Completely terrified.

Last year was rough. I was sick every day, missing classes, sad all the time, and having a hard time keeping up with myself. Since the end of the school year things have gotten better. I got new friends, new medicines, new everything that have been making me feel better. School has always been an adjustment. In summer I can go days of doing heavy activity and then pull back and rest at my own pace because of EDS and POTS. At school I cannot do that. I have to get up everyday and go no matter how bad everything is. With the occasional sick days, its really hard. I am so scared how my body is going to take being thrown back into school. I am so scared its going to destroy me. I should not have to worry about these things, yet here I am.

Rough Week

I'm having a rough week. I can't do anything about it. I have had all this stuff that needs to be done and working extra hard to get it done but its just all crazy. I'm done all my summer homework except for reading and outlining. I have work. I have this thing I am running for school which has taken up all my attention this week, last week, the week before, etc. The last two days especially I have been on my feet moving all day. Its really hard. Its even harder to see these other people around me doing it just fine.

Its just all too much. My shoulders are falling apart, my back is as bad as ever, and my legs I don't even talk about them anymore. PT isn't helping. I don't feel any stronger. Its just not even fair or right. I have no idea how my body is going to take being back in school in a week and a half.

And I get my wisdom teeth out wednesday...yippie.