People don't know what its like to be chronically sick. They don't know what its like to work so hard to fix just one part of you, while ten more parts fall apart in the mean time. Its so hard and i'm losing motivation and hope. I feel like I cannot confide in any of my friends and nobody would want to listen to me anyway. I feel like I am in such a bad place right now. I can't deal with this high school crap, its just too much on top of struggling to function.
On top of that, my shoulders have been really bad for about three weeks now. This past weekend I got nerve like pain, kinda like what comes from my low back and goes down my legs, but instead it was down my right arm. I couldn't even grip a pencil it hurt so bad and felt numb. I almost went to the ER because I was at my limit of pain and I thought something was really wrong. It was so bad. I am feeling it again tonight. I just don't know how to react or what to do anymore.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
PT, life, etc
Today at PT my therapist talked to me about how I am not getting any stronger at all after over a month going three times a week and I am not in any less pain (in fact more). Thanks for that.
Everything is falling apart.
Everything is falling apart.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Senior Year
It is finally here. The year I have been waiting for. My final year before I can get out of this too big yet too small town. I've been waiting all my life to get out and make my life into something more, with passion and full of everything I love.
Yet before school even starts tomorrow I am scared. Completely terrified.
Last year was rough. I was sick every day, missing classes, sad all the time, and having a hard time keeping up with myself. Since the end of the school year things have gotten better. I got new friends, new medicines, new everything that have been making me feel better. School has always been an adjustment. In summer I can go days of doing heavy activity and then pull back and rest at my own pace because of EDS and POTS. At school I cannot do that. I have to get up everyday and go no matter how bad everything is. With the occasional sick days, its really hard. I am so scared how my body is going to take being thrown back into school. I am so scared its going to destroy me. I should not have to worry about these things, yet here I am.
Yet before school even starts tomorrow I am scared. Completely terrified.
Last year was rough. I was sick every day, missing classes, sad all the time, and having a hard time keeping up with myself. Since the end of the school year things have gotten better. I got new friends, new medicines, new everything that have been making me feel better. School has always been an adjustment. In summer I can go days of doing heavy activity and then pull back and rest at my own pace because of EDS and POTS. At school I cannot do that. I have to get up everyday and go no matter how bad everything is. With the occasional sick days, its really hard. I am so scared how my body is going to take being thrown back into school. I am so scared its going to destroy me. I should not have to worry about these things, yet here I am.
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